Stage Clear - 0d14h0m

Submitted by Perrin on Thu, 21/05/2009 - 10:54

Are you truly getting bang for buck? Actually are you getting any bang at all and do you really have any bucks? None of these questions will be answered, but we will be talking about the length of video games instead. So hopefully you'll be interested in that. If not there's a list of much better gaming podcasts down the left hand side of our web page.

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Reader's Question: "What game have you bought through hype and excitement only to find it utter crap?"

Shadow man. I once had the

Submitted by Agent_grey on Fri, 29/05/2009 - 22:26.

Shadow man.

I once had the option of buying a burger or buying this game on the cheap.

Everyone ranted and raved about it when it first came out and when I finnaly got to play it, it was the slowest most boring looking game I could have imagined pretending that it was interesting and 'edgy'.

It's plot I vaugly remember so I had to go check wiki for it, apprently the main guy mike gets into some trouble about some stolen money and goes to some witch doctor for help, sadly that help doesnt include his family and he is the only one to survive albeit in a coma. He then for some reason becomes a zombie slave to the guy and also loses his memories. A few years later some woman does some stuff and seals him up with the mask of 'yadda yadda yakity shmakity' and now;

"Mama Nettie must have sexual intercourse with Mike often so as to receive voodoo power from him and remain youthful"

It's like a 13 year old wrote this.

So bad story plus horrendous gameplay. I still have the game, I give it a hate filled glare whenever i see the disk in my games folder.

I should have had the burger...

OH OH! Also, Final Fantasy X-2.

I just cant bring myself to play it, I got past fighting team rocket, turned off my console and took it right back to blockbuster.

Wrong, Shadowman was GREAT.

Submitted by Mentazm on Sat, 30/05/2009 - 02:08.

Wrong, Shadowman was GREAT. Or maybe I've got my rosetinted N64 spex on.

Actually, I was also

Submitted by Quit on Fri, 29/05/2009 - 18:54.

Actually, I was also convinced that the 3DO was the future of everything, and the most bestest thing to have ever been invented. I loved it. I was obsessed by it. I bought magazines because they had information about it.
I even set up my own fanzine on the secondary school's computer network - before we knew what the internet was - and again I convinced my rich friend's mum to get him one.

I for one would have been incredibly disappointed if I'd have spent all that money myself.

Ho hum.

Panasonic FZ-1 R.E.A.L. 3DO Interactive Multiplayer FTW.

I was a naysayer about this

Submitted by ChampagneOLeary on Fri, 29/05/2009 - 21:08.

I was a naysayer about this awful mid-90s 3D revolution. So much so that when I first played Super Mario 64, I said "This will never catch on..."

Call of Juarez - I thought

Submitted by Mentazm on Sun, 24/05/2009 - 23:22.

Call of Juarez - I thought the first game was very good too, was better crafted than Gun, and had a great central character in the Preacher. However, I ended up hitting a dead end about 5 levels in, simply couldn't find a way out of the area I was in and gave up after about 5 hours of trying to escape. Tried again a few months back to no avail. I will however get the sequel.

Assassins Creed - I always thought you guys are pretty lightweight when it comes to gaming, and now I know I'm right because if you are saying this is one of the worst games you have ever played then you must have only ever played about 5 games in your life. It's no way near being a bad game, it's actually a very good game, which suffered from undue criticism because of the surrounding hype and the Jade Raymond fronted media overload. Yes, it get's repetative about halfway through, and the actual assinations are rather samey, but it's still one of the better games this generation has seen, and I can only see the sequel improving on the original. It's definitely a world and story I want to see more of.

A few things: Rape - well

Submitted by ChampagneOLeary on Sat, 23/05/2009 - 10:10.

A few things:

Rape - well done. Your talk about legislation was spot on. The recent example that comes to mind was Manhunt 2 (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/news/press/20070619.html). I can't say if their right or wrong, but at the bottom of the article this was the first game to be refused since Carmageddon, and they won an appeal. At least it shows they make their judgements based on context. I've always thought the GTA - hooker stuff in GTA was fine because it's the result of free will, the game doesn't instruct you to do it, and you've probably already ran over 20 people on the way to pick her up. I'm already making this too long, so I want to say thank you for going easy on my own misfiring rant. You've made me reconsider and now I think: Perhaps it's the demand for these games that is the worrying thing, and banning them wouldn't fix that.

Next: Assassin's Creed
I have finished it. The first thing I'd say is that the credits run for what feels like 15 minutes, so there was probably 4,500 people involved in the first one. I nearly gave up a couple of times, but I as spellbound because it was the 3rd game I had played on the 360 and I was taken in by the pretty colours. Running over rooftops was so much fun that I completely overlooked the horrible repetative missions, and I'm rubbish at stealth so I didn't mind the fact that the actual assassinations amounted to stabbing someone in the face in broad daylight. I wouldn't disagree with anything Perrin said, but I would say it's worth a few pounds for something pretty to look at. Better yet, buy some porn.

Hype:
Halo 3. I know Rob gave this 10/10, no offence. I just don't get it. This is the game I got with my 360 (and as I mentioned before, I was so enamoured with it that I completed AC) and I walked home with that heavy box under my arm, willing myself to get there faster so I could blow my mind. Maybe I missed something by not being there at the launch, but it was just Halo again - I had done a few hours on Halo 1 back in the day and this was the exact same game again. I don't understand why people like Master Chief. I don't understand why people go mad for that piece of music that gets played every 5 minutes in all 3 games (and probably Halo Wars too). I don't understand why they kept the most unpopular aspects and included it in all the games. I respect Halo's influence and innovations, but it's not a good game. I bought Halo when I had finished Halo 3 to compare it, and it was exactly the same game with one difference - the level design in the original Halo is the finest example of bad level design you will find. I cannot believe we live in a world where universities give degrees in Game Design, and such levels still exist. Halo 3's levels were better. I appreciate the fact it's got solid multiplayer, and many would prefer it's style to CoD, but I'm an old fashioned sort who is still very interested in the single player expeience. The best bit? The final boss sounds like the crazy frog when you kill it.

I remember being obsessed

Submitted by Quit on Thu, 21/05/2009 - 18:01.

I remember being obsessed with Virtua Racer.
I think I must have thought it heralded a new dawn of mankind.
A new awareness of space.
Speeds unrivalled in our modern world.

I remember talking my rich friends mum into getting it for him.

I remember forcing myself to like it.

Excusing the brevity.

Disregarding the eye strain.

Forgetting about the need to have fun.

I played it again recently and it was arse. I had to switch it off so that I didn't form a negative opinion of it, unravelling years of lying to myself.

It's a shit game.

Call of Duty 4 The marketing

Submitted by Laxy on Thu, 21/05/2009 - 15:23.

Call of Duty 4

The marketing of this and the word of mouth flying around from friends led me to believe that this wasn't another terrible Call of Duty game. The title 'Modern Warfare' had a promise of something different from the dated whackamole gameplay of the previous titles.

Was really excited to experience what was already being heralded as a game of the year contender. Yet I found myself in a room shooting at reams and reams of the same enemies that constantly respawned from the corner of a room. If I just sat there and picked them off one by one, the game would NEVER END. This clowncar gameplay that continuously spawns enemies with no discernible AI was one of the poorest gaming experiences I've ever had the misfortune to pay for.

I was puzzled, and wondering if I was even playing the same game as everyone else. The sheer amount of praise for this pathetic attempt at 'Modern Warfare' utterly confounded me. However, after returning it, I heard that the multiplayer was excellent and in hindsight should have kept it to join in with the hoards of worshippers. Perhaps actually become good at it!

I'm not annoyed at the game itself, it is still a Call of Duty game and I shouldn't have let myself be duped into thinking it was different. I know there are games out there that ARE advancing the genre, but I'm angry that this is held high as the pinnacle of FPS gaming when it brings nothing new to the table.